Kink vs. Fetish: What's the Difference?

Is it a kink or a fetish?

Sexuality and sexual interest are a spectrum, which has given rise to labeling sexual activities and segmenting them into types. Here comes the birth of the terms "kink," "fetish," and "vanilla"! Kink and fetish are closely related and have often been used interchangeably. You've come to the right place if you're wondering if what you do between the sheets is a fetish or a kink. You’re about to get the deets from the expert. Let’s begin.

Researchers have discovered that the term "fetish" is frequently used in everyday speech, and expands beyond its scope than its psychiatric definition. In the strictest sense of the word as it pertains to sexuality, Tina Timm, a licensed sex therapist and associate professor at the University of Michigan, defines fetish as "when someone needs an item or object for sexual arousal.” In this case, arousal is triggered by and relies on the presence of an inanimate or asexual object such as the other's feet, leather clothing, hair, rubber, socks, and other items.

Kink, on the other hand, "is a more global term that includes any sexual behavior that falls outside of typical norms, basically deriving sexual pleasure in non-traditional ways," she explains. Within the context of this definition, kink can be anything outside the usual vanilla sex, aka non-kink. While it's up to each individual to decide what constitutes kink or vanilla, typically, kink for many may include orgasm control, bondage, anal play, foot fetish, etc.

How they differ

According to the sex therapist, "the fundamental difference between kink and fetish is the purpose or function of why someone engages in it." Are you doing it to get aroused or to spice up sex? Both terms can overlap, according to her. She illustrates that a couple might like to engage in role-plays as part of their sexual activity—that is considered a kink, but if one of them can only be aroused, if the other is wearing latex during the role play, that is a fetish.

Kink as an umbrella term means that fetishes can be classified as kinks, but not all kinks are fetishes. Let’s buttress this further like this: a person might enjoy certain things during sex (presence of kink), but might not necessarily need them to get aroused (absence of fetish). On the safety of exploring kinks and fetishes, Timm notes that the foundation for engaging in one or both of them should be physical and emotional safety in the relationship.

“When that is present, couples can allow themselves to be vulnerable and communicate about arousal, desire, fantasies, etc.,” she said. She reveals that many couples struggle with this level of vulnerability for fear that their partner will reject them or think they are weird. “But not exploring areas of sexual desire”, she continues, “can potentially lead to boredom in long-term relationships and put couples at higher risk for affairs.”

Is having a fetish okay? Fetishes, according to the sex therapist, can be a lot of fun to experiment with. But when the focus shifts away from the partner and dwells on the object, Timsays this can be a problem and may require professional help.

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