Why We Fake It
That infamous O! It’s common for both women and men to fake reaching orgasm during sex. One main reason is because of different physical and psychological characteristics between individuals and genders. Let's examine some of the psychological factors that can obstruct the female orgasm. Please note that none of this advice is to replace therapy, and many of us benefit from seeking out a professional to obtain support that is tailored to our individual struggles.
Conversations centering around the woman’s sexual experience are growing in popularity within our modern society. We are breaking away from viewing the female orgasm as a taboo subject, which was once associated with shame towards an expectation that this should always happen during sex. But these expectations may communicate an idea that women should achieve an orgasm quickly and easily. This is far from the reality for many women. Greater self awareness about your specific obstacles can be helpful in order to overcome these blockages, as well as having a more satisfying sexual experience.
How Body Image Can Get in the Way
One of the most commonly reported struggles women face during sex has to do with their body image. Our body image is our internal perception of our physical body. A negative body image means that we have critical or a judgmental perception of how our physical body looks. This only becomes worse with stronger thoughts or outside influences of how we are not measuring up to the societal standard. This stigma can shape a negative body-image and create insecurities about our physical appearance. Once we have a negative body-image, it can be difficult to create a healthy, sensual and sexual connection to our body. It’s easy to fall into a negative and self-critical headspace that tells us we look inadequate naked which prevents us from relaxing in a way that’s needed in order to reach orgasm. But, if we work on our self image and development, we can let go of this negative block.
Worrying that You Don't Finish Fast Enough
Another widely occurring obstacle to the female orgasm is the expectations around reaching orgasm easily and quickly. Many women expect that they should climax within just a couple of minutes, and then can lose hope if they don’t. It could be said that many women do this because they don’t consider themselves worthy of the time needed to reach their climax. Some women may even feel that they are rushed, as they become distracted with their to do lists, work or other obligations. This then creates the excuse that they don’t have time for genuine sexual intimacy. The feeling that they then just want to get it over and done with, so they achieve this is by faking it.
When They Come First
Oftentimes women prioritize their partner rather than asserting themselves. They forfeit expressing their own specific needs, wants or desires. Historically this is believed to stem from the fact that women used to be second class citizens. While our society has evolved tremendously in the movement towards equality, there is a long standing history which still holds influences to our society. Women may shy away from admitting that it takes a bit longer to reach orgasm, as they may want to appease their partner. We, as humans, are very exposed and vulnerable during sex. Women may feel uncomfortable asking for more or they may think it is inappropriate, insensitive or even a critique of our partner and their technique. The assumption here would be that they’d make their partner feel insecure about their sexual performance, and hurt their ego, instead of standing up for their wants, desires and their own pleasure. So, many women may seek to preserve their partner's ego instead, by faking it. A selfless act of love.
